I Like to Call Her, Crazy

I know it's been something like 2 months since i've last blogged but..... nah no excuses.

So to pull you up to speed. Stephen, the Asshole loan officer (see previous posts), has hired an assistant. God must have decided today was the day to fuck over Amalia. She got thrown into my office at the extra desk. Yep. I'm sharing my office with Crazy.

On her first day, she showed us her recent lipo scars. Scary isnt the word for it. I cant imagine what she looked like before the surgery. Yeah. Now keep in mind, Crazy was hired to be Stephen's ASSISTANT. I am his processor. She is beneath me. (Yes I'm on a power trip. Shut up.) Anyway apparently Crazy used to be a processor so for her to accept a job as a lowly LO's assistant, she musta fucked up preeeetty badly at her last job. I learned quickly that Crazy is trying to make me look bad to both my boss and Stephen so she can become his processor and upstage me. Not gonna happen, Crazy. Take a look at Day 5:

I wont bore you with the details of my job, but to put it short--I'm not in the business of creating fraudulent loans so when Stephen told me there were no leases associated with the loan's subject property, i forwarded the message on to the lender. I CC'ed him on the email. He called Crazy and told her to tell me that "the leases were coming." Crazy turns to me and says, "Cmon, you should have known better." I turn to her, dumbfounded. Did this bitch just tell ME that i should have known better? She should be wiping my ass, not talkin down to me like this! I was literally speechless. Hard to believe, i know. She continues, "Dont kill a loan just because the loan officer says something something stupid. Or maybe you want to kill his loan, i dont know." That was it for me. BACK OFF bitch. I left the room for about 1/2 hour. When i came back, i checked my email and saw that Crazy had writen me an apology. It actually seemed sincere, she apologized for questioning my processing skills, etc, etc, totally kissed my ass, which i love, so i decided to go easy on her:
"Crazy, lets get one thing straight. You are not my boss. You arent even my superior. You are an assistant and your job here is to make MY life eaiser. So dont you dare ever tell me that I should know better. And secondly, we're not in the business here to kill loans. So dont ever accuse me of wanting to do that." Then I grabbed my balls and told her to suck em.

Nah that'd be gross. Plus i dont have any balls.

Anyway more on Crazy later.

PS we've all placed bets on how long she'll last here at Great Oak. I've got over 5 weeks, under 8. The president of the company bet over 3 under 6. He's just about lost at this point. I'll update more on Crazy as she gets...crazier.